His name was Goran*. And he broke my heart.
Last night a friend and I stood near a bus stop and continued a conversation that begun at our home group earlier that evening. The passage was from 1 Peter and was on submission and obedience to God...
Through the course of the evening our discussion branched out into the deeper territories of how we put feet on our faith and walk it... in marriages where a spouse doesn't share your belief or is abusive... in a difficult work environment.... in a relationship that's fractured and the other person is unwilling to forgive or reconcile... in a city where most people you pass by on the street are lost... to ultimately submit to the Lord's leadership and in obedience in all situations...
From behind us we heard a frail and hesitant voice asked with such politeness, "Please, can you spare just a couple quarters so I can take the bus to the train station where I will sleep for the night?" Interrupted from our conversation our eyes fell upon an older man, hunched over with a sense of defeat, leaning heavily on a cane and carrying only a plastic bag with a few personal items.
Typically, you don't give money to beggars here**... but there was just something about this man. Maybe it was the conversation we'd just been having.... or perhaps the Holy Spirit had already prepared our hearts.... but we were moved to help him. His eyes began to fill and his hands shook in the cold air as he accepted the few small bills. And then he shared just a hint of his story...
He's in his mid-70's and his 45 year old son had beat him repeatedly and finally kicked him out of his own home, threatening that he'd kill him if he returned. We asked if he'd talked to the police but he said with emotion that if he did it would be worse for him...
Moved deeply in our hearts we asked if we could pray for him. He began to weep. We shared with him about God's great love for him. And then after a few precious minutes lifting this precious man into the Lord's loving arms via prayer he began to share more of his story and heartache.
Arthritic fingers attempted to wipe away the tears that overflowed as he shared his story. "I just don't understand," he cried, "How could a boy we welcomed into the world with such joy turn and beat me? I just don't understand. Why does he beat me? Why did he kick me out of my home?" He shared more about his life, growing up here, how his wife died some 19 years ago and now with shame he is reduced to begging for money just to be able to buy bread. "I am a man and I am ashamed that I am reduced to this," he wept as he again tried to stem the tearful tide. He was broken.
My friend and I tried making some calls to see if we could get him some help... but in the end we were unable to. I can't tell you the sense of helplessness that we struggled with in light of a situation so hopeless and completely unable to do anything to help him. There are no homeless shelters here. There are no soup kitchens. He's been turned away by the XYZ church, "What do you want here, old man?" But here we were two believers who desired with all our hearts to help.... and we couldn't.
It broke our hearts!
This is a man who needed help. Who needed Jesus. And all we could do was to share with him, pray for him, give him what money we could and a scarf to ward against the cold.... and then put him on a bus and watch helplessly, tearfully, as it drove away... taking him to the train station where he would spend a cold and wet night, alone and broken-hearted.
Honestly, I just don't know how to end this narrative... still now a full day later the sense of helplessness in the face of such a deep need is keen... as believers aren't we called to help such as these? But the Lord never tells us what to do when there is nothing we can do....
Lord... I don't know what to do with this... and with a sense of his helplessness I beseech you on his behalf... please intervene... please do for him what we desperately wanted to but couldn't. Please be near and love on this dear broken-hearted man. Please mend his heart and restore him.
Please pray for this man and for his son. His name is Goran. And he broke my heart.
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*Goran is, of course, not his real name
**Unnamed foreign country
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